An End, and a New Beginning

Ok it's been a month since I blogged but there have been some crazy things going on in my life thus far. The biggest thing is the break-up between me and Rhonda. This was the person I was going to resolve my life to, she was going to be my last gf ever. I fell hard for this girl and I did love her. So where did everything go wrong? I think it all started when we moved in together. I've never lived with a gf before let alone a gf with a kid. It took some getting used to but we were on a good track. I think though looking back...we should have waited and taken smaller steps. We basically went from being a long distance relationship where I might see her for a night or 2 per week to being all Rhonda and Tai, all the time. I missed my friends, and when they came down the few times to visit, shit was weird. None of the the houses we lived in were home either. Although the second house was promising for the first month we were there when her dad stayed with us. When Gord left, he left us high and dry, no vehicles, and no extra support. I really liked Rhonda's dad, he was someone I could talk about "guy" stuff with.
When he left, meals were rarely served at the table anymore...and well I'll be honest supper time has always been family time to me. "Grazing" as R puts it just doesn't do it for me, and it also take away the control you have over your childs diet. I wasnt' getting consistency on her part especially if she was tired from work and didn't want to deal with Tai. I was also getting tired of being in the dog house whenever I wanted to visit my freinds or co-workers. R has been so jealous of my close-tight friends and family too. We also had an arguement that really made me see her immature side and I really lost alot of respect for her and didn't see her the same anymore. I urge to flee, came sudden. When I returned, I went to talk with her and get everything out about our relationship. Which we did and I really wanted to take the girl back....but then Tai-shows up at close to 10:00pm at night, after riding her bike unsupervised. It was pitch black out by that time and a 6 year old has no business being out that late without a parent....and that was the kicker. I don't want this person raising my children and that is the bottom line. This isnt' something that can be worked on very easily and it requires her to help me out...I want consistancy for a child but I wasnt' getting that on her end. She's not the worst mother in the world so don't think that anything that I'm saying points to that. But we have different views on parenting, and what it means to be family.

so I left.

I'm sad...because everything was going so well....I had stability, and could have had a family. But I think she was lacking some key qualities that I need in a life partner.

It would have been so easy to go back to her. It's always easy to fall back on the comfortable. But when would all these issues raise their ugly heads again? It was like every 3 months with Kristie and then slowly they worked their way down to 3 weeks and then 3 days....(but I dont' want to compare apples and oranges). Shawna gave me the best piece of advice and said not to give into guilt or those tough sad emotions because they will betray you. After you make-up and get into a new honeymoon period, how long till that fades and the next cycle begins.

I stopped the cycle...but I'm still sad, and don't get me wrong I miss her deeply I loved her for a year of my life. She has many endearing qualities.